Thoughts on Thanksgiving Day

I have been going through a challenging phase lately ... mostly due to life events and perimenopause. It truly sucks. Let me give you a picture of my mind in chaos ...

1. I have enemies but they don't know it ... at home, in social situations, at work, in class even. Sometimes yes, even at random places where I felt slighted or irritated. Invented or not, it felt real in my head. 
   
   
2. I have regrets, "what-ifs". I will not expound on it but it's enough to say that I did. I am not a regretful person; I usually accept my decisions and go for it or recalibrate if needed but I don't usually spend time with "what-ifs". I have always thought it's a waste of time to think back. People closest to me can attest that I have survived my many challenging life events by thinking positive, by acknowledging that "things happen for a reason" and for finding that "blessing in disguise".  I have decided to not just simply show up, I move forward. But not this time. I felt sorry for myself and entertained every single regret that I can muster. Pitiful.
   
   
3. So that made me really sad. I have many extreme emotions, but sadness is not one of them.  I felt sad and I did not know how to handle it.

So yesterday, on Canada Thanksgiving Day, I came to the realization that I have been miserable because I stopped being grateful. I am a "silver lining" kind of person and that helped me survive this crazy world we live in.  But then I stopped being grateful, and -- not to sound overly dramatic, I spiraled.  I misread the signs, the goodness in things and started dwelling on the negative. I thought I had it worse, and I stopped thinking about the blessings in my life. My old content self took a backseat too long. 

So all this sorry shit has to stop. From today, I restart my gratitude campaign and appreciate my blessings, instead of the things I don't have, or will never have.

To start, I made a list of the 5 things that I am mostly grateful for:

1. My uber-independent Kids who give back.
2. Relationships that make life more colorful.
3. A career that develops and sustains us (and my hobbies!) financially.
4. Good health that allows me to pursue my life goals.
5. And most importantly, joie de vivre that keeps me hopeful and excited for the future.